dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
40s are totally the cure
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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