Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
