Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
