I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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