Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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