You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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