even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My breasts were aching with rage.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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