i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
