So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
