I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
