did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
