dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
