Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
