The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
