this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
