just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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