I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
