My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
