I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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