How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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