OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
