I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
