I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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