My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
