:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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