if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
