Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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