Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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