he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
