by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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