sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
