I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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