just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
