I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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