Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
