its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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