Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
