when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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