it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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