He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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