So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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