woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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