Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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