My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
