Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
