Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
