your parents love me but you hate me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
