In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
