Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
