It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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