threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
