hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
